Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
