apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize