Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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