all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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