We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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