I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
