If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
