Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
