let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
