I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
