Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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