And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
