we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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