When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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