so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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