what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
