our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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