dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
