there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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