I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
