sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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