so explain again why im purple
no
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
