So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
