I'm going to jail i love you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
