I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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