We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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