the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
