Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
