I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
