He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
