so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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