Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
