It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's like heaven, but drunker
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
