"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
