it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
