My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
