margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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