Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
