turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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