I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
how drunk are you?
Several
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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