So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
