did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
