Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
