Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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