Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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