I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
