Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize