"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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