I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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