the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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