Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
