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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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