No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i have herpe
just one?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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