Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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