Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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