Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
