you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
