oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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