Redeem this text for a blowjob
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
