I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
