I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
