I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
