Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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