wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
