Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
