I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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