But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
