forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
