girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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