seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
