Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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