im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
