you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
