I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
