No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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