he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize