Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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