i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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