They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
