I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
