dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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