Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
