I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
